WHEN I was 14, I sneaked into the empty bedroom of my scholarly older brother to poke around in his bookcase. I was quickly submerged in the submissive: masks, chains, brands, whips, blindfolds, piercings. Even skimming, the book was too scary for me, so I stuck it back in its hidden spot and scampered away. Yet she has written the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy — bondage-themed romanticas that whipped up a frenzy with the housewives of Long Island and rippled out from there. James started writing the series as Twilight fan fiction under the pen name Snowqueens Icedragon, spinning another strange, obsessive love story in misty Washington state with a pale, virginal year-old brunette student named Anastasia Steele and a breathtakingly handsome, year-old telecommunications mogul named Christian Grey.

Until a few years ago, unless you were part of the BDSM community, submissive was just a word. And then 50 Shades of Grey arrived and the word took on a whole new meaning. The submissive partner can be either the male or the female. Being submissive can be limited to during sex, when the submissive partner might be on the receiving end of masochism, bondage or other forms of domination. Lifestyle submissive have sets of rules between themselves and their partners which govern their relationship. Every submissive and dominant relationship is different and has different levels of intensity and different rules.

There may come a day or night when you and a partner decide to branch away from conventional sex and experiment with submission in bed. Acts that seem straightforward, like spanking, can become unenjoyable — and even dangerous — if done improperly. Power play — aka, the imbalanced relationship between a dominant and submissive partner — can bring up strong emotions as well, some of which you might not fully feel until hours or days later. With that said, here are eight ways to begin experimenting with submission.

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